February 2012
I said "Cow!" to a woman on a bike earlier today.
She screamed back multiple curses right before she crashed right into the cow I just warned her about.
Me: *turns on radio*
Taylor Swift: feels feels feels revenge slut-shaming more feels you broke my heart and now I'm making a catchy country tune about it yeah yeah yeah acoustic guitar
Bruno Mars: suicidal thoughts and plaid and war zones and gratuitous morphine use pain angst hurt for some reason all my songs involve me unnecessarily dying for you
Rihanna: no one cares what I'm singing about but you can assume it's a shitty metaphor for sex while I gyrate in little to no clothing on fake animals but at least it's stupidly catchy
Every single rap artist: bitches hoes in da club lots of money she wants the dick all these songs are about clubbing and sex and does anyone honestly live this lifestyle outside of music videos
Nick Minaj: hkjhkjhcw fweljfhwjhddljhd hfojencojen nieukjdh lots of fast talking in a weird accent ha ha ha pop culture reference I'm a feminist with lots of wigs and in case you haven't noticed BIG BOOBS I don't even know what I'm rapping about lol
Me: *turns off radio*
the difference between "gamer girls" and girls who...
gamer girl: omgggg modern warfare 4 lyfeee
girls who play video games: GOD DAMN IT MARIO. IS IT THAT FUCKING HARD TO STAY ON RAINBOW ROAD FOR MAYBE TEN SECONDS. OH MY FUCKING GOD PEACH YOU FUCKING WHORE. YOU REALLY HAD TO USE THE THUNDER CLOUD AND FUCKING SHRINK ME. REALLY. THIRD. I'M IN THIRD PLACE OH MY GOD YES THANK JESUS LORD ABOVE IN THE HEAVENS. FUCK. NO. I FELL OFF. I SWEAR TO GOD MARIO I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUR ITALIAN PLUMBER MOTHER FUCKING ASS. i hate my life.
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Seeing an empty swing set..
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Me at school
Me: what the fuck is this
Me: what the fuck is that
Me: when the fuck will i ever need to know this
Me: why the fuck do these people walk at glacial paces
Me: who the fuck assigned my locker as the official gathering place
Me: when the fuck did the teacher assign that
Me: why the fuck did i take this course
Me: when the fuck is lunch
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